Wikipedia:Peer review/Liv Tyler/archive1

Liv Tyler

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I would like to have suggestions be made for the article to try and aim the article to Feature article status. Any comments would be appreciated.

Thanks, -- ThinkBlue (Hit BLUE) 00:14, 14 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from User:Bradley0110

Please bear with me on this please, I haven't done a proper PR for about two years(!)

Her birthdate should appear in the "Early life" section as well as the lead, and be referenced.
"She is the daughter of Aerosmith's frontman, Steven Tyler and model, singer Bebe Buell." There's a comma issue here ("Steven Tyler and model"?; it might be better to have "She is the daughter of Steven Tyler, the frontman of Aerosmith, and Bebe Buell, a model and singer."
"but quickly decided to focus on acting" --> better to change "quickly" to "after less than a year", per later in the article.
Check for hyphen omissions throughout the article; "first born" should be "first-born" (or even "firstborn")
"Her mother named her after Norwegian actress Liv Ullmann after seeing Ullmann on the cover..." Two "after"s looks a bit odd. You could changed the first one to "named for".
Be careful of redundant over-referencing (such as "She went to York Prepatory in New York City for junior high and high school,[12] after her mother researched the school to accommodate Tyler's attention-deficit disorder.[12]")
"In an interview, Bertolucci chose Tyler for the role after meeting with a number of young girls in Los Angeles," He chose her in an interview? What a groundbreaking director! ;-)
"Tyler next appeared in Armageddon (1998), where she played Bruce Willis' daughter and love interest of Ben Affleck's character." --> "The daughter of Bruce Willis's character.." (a forgiveable error, since Willis was just playing himself in that film)
Roger Ebert's review of Armageddon seems superfluous to an article about Tyler; are there any reviews that talk about her?
"Tyler was required to master an English accent". Are there any sources that talk about her methods or if she modelled it on anyone in particular?
"She learned to speak the fictitious Elvish language that was created by Tolkien". As above--are there any comments from her on whether she found it easy/difficult?
"The film became one of the most critically acclaimed films and greatest box office successes of all time." Ref?
"playing a woman who re-opens a widowed father's heart to love, played by Affleck." Affleck played love? "re-opens a widowed father's (Affleck) heart to love".
The first sentence of the Strangers paragraph is a run-on sentence.
"Although the film was garnered with mixed reception..." --> "Although the film garnered a mixed reception"
"she accepted the part after a day without reading the script." Was she deprived of the script? How about "She was offered the role while driving home and accepted it the next day without even reading the script"?
"The Incredible Hulk was a big financial success, earning a revenue of $262 million worldwide at the box office." --> "The Incredible Hulk was a box office success, earning $262 million worldwide."
Some references are incorrectly attributed; Ref #3 should be The Daily Telegraph (Australia) rather than "News Limited", which is the publisher. Additionally, for news sources like that, the url is not required (no need for news.com.au, or dailyrecord.co.uk in Ref #14)
Is everything listed in "Further reading" necessary? Can any be incorporated into the article? For example, James Mottram is a big cheese in film criticism; could that interview serve to expand the LOTR paragraphs?

Nice work, but this probably isn't FA-ready yet. After this review is closed, you might want to submit it to the biography peer review for closer scrutiny. Bradley0110 (talk) 16:44, 16 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hi ThinkBlue. You really need to learn how to correctly handle quotes and citations. You can't simply paste a direct quote into the text and cite it to the source (though I thank you for citing it; well done). You either need to paraphrase (as I did in a small way with the "gravitas" bit) or include quotation marks around the entire quote. The words "a certan gravitas" were a direct quote but were not marked as such. Ditto a much worse case: "The UNICEF Snowflake serves as a beacon of hope, peace and compassion for vulnerable children around the world". That's questionable on two levels: First and worst, it is a direct quote but is not marked as such. Second, it is irrelevant to Ms. Tyler. I will fix this as well, mainly by deting most of that sentence. More later. Ling.Nut ^{(talk—WP:3IAR)} 06:31, 17 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Looked again, still finding instances of WP:COPYVIO. You must learn how to avoid this problem, and learn as soon as possible. Please don't take this article to WP:FAC without a top-to-bottom scrubbing for this problem. Ling.Nut ^{(talk—WP:3IAR)} 06:58, 17 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]